Reassurance

So, once again she sat there. Thinking, pondering on the ways of life. The ways of God. Once again her life was to be uprooted, and she would leave everything behind. Not really certain if she would be able to stay for more than a total of 6 months. Yet she knew that God had called her. She would get visions of herself standing at a stage or on a street, challenging youth to know God. To wake up and truly surrender, open their eyes. She felt such a yearning, this cry inside of her waiting to come out. She wouldn’t be alone this time. That would be different. They would be two now, a big relief. Also a little bit strange. Her husband is fantastic. And still she found it hard to realize that he had said ‘yes’, that he wanted to go with her, with her and God.

So many thoughts running through her head. This time felt more challenging, more difficult than the others. Maybe some of the adventure seemed to have disappeared a bit. She was leaving one home for another, a home that she had already left behind her three times. Always hoping that ‘this time’ she would get to stay. Now she found it hard to believe. Yet she really wanted to. She needed to. She feared she would become friendless. Finding that she had lost so many friendships, and that she hadn’t really found more than one or two new ones. Though she had her innermost closest friends present. And she felt so grateful for them. Truly grateful, yet scared that she would end up losing them as well. But she also knew that God prevails. He knows her needs and will always take care of her. So her fears calmed a little. She always knew there was a price to pay, and she kept so many hopes for the future, for what she and her husband would become a part of. It was too much to understand.

She just felt she wanted to be a part of something steady for once. But she also felt her calling would continue to move her around. She would connect with many people and make friends with people all over the world. But the ones closest and dearest to her, save her husband, would always be one step too far away. But she accepted that. With God’s grace everything’s possible. And He would surely provide. She began to seek Him again. More actively. Reassured that there was no condemnation for her because she’s in Christ, she could relax, knowing They love her. And she felt so grateful. She knew that there’s an amazing life in store for her, and it overwhelmed her with love for her Heavenly Father, her Heavenly Groom, and the Holy Spirit that would lead the way and renew her strength each and every day.